Do you ever feel that you have an enemy that is so great that it's only objective is to destroy you? Or is it only me? Am I alone in this fight for my survival in this world? What can my purpose be that this enemy set out to destroy me so many years ago and is relentless even today?
As I begin to see the light and hope begins to rise up inside me, my enemy immediately becomes threatened and seeking its most appropriate vessel uses him most effectively. His chosen vessel begins to berate me with words that scream loudly in my head. As I fight his onslaughts, and as I try to defend myself, every word I speak is turned against me, even in my tears he screams my inadequacies at me, scorning my tears as a weakness that I should be ashamed of. He grins at my lack of control, gaining power in my loss of it. As I make my stand face to face he finds pleasure in my stance. He sees that he has roused my old self, my calm, loving disposition is beginning to disappear, and he begins to revel in the old me rising to the occasion. He knows he is winning again, he knows that I am weak to his temptations. His lies slither out of his tongue with such a vile sting. Part truth, part lie, twisted with great expertise that the very mission of these words find their target as they penetrate into my gut. I start to lash back at him wanting more than anything to destroy him, but I stop myself and begin to pray. I ask God to help me, that I not to be used as a weapon to cause more pain. God gives me strength to weaken in my stance and I lean on him as I quit fighting. My enemy unexpectedly retreats. Exhausted from my restrain I lay my head on my pillow and I cry myself to sleep. I awaken the next day with my enemy's vessel at my feet. Unlike before, he appears broken and full of sorrow. He leaves on his own accord to seek out the demons that rage inside of him, and as I watch him drive away, I realize that my enemy is also his! I rejoice that I had the presence of mind to reach for my vindicator, my banner, Jehovah Nissi, letting him fight my battle for me breaking the enemy's power over me and foiling his plan to use me as his vessel against another. Today, I am tired, but I find comfort in the scriptures and I rest assured that tomorrow will bring a renewed strength.
Scripture references:
Duet 20: 3; 4
Eph 1: 19-22
Eph 6: 10-12
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4 comments:
God is bigger than what's the matter.
It seems like when we're finally feeling some hope and strength is when the attacks come, isn't it? I'm sorry you had such a hard time but grateful for the peace that came to you later.
There were two lines in particular that really stood out for me.
1. "His lies slither out of his tongue with such a vile sting." There are some powerful words here. The analogy to a serpent is perfectly done...it's not overwrought; it has the perfect menacing tone to it without overdoing it. I went back and reread it a few times because it's just a wonderfully constructed sentence.
2. "I ask God to help me, that I not to be used as a weapon to cause more pain." This sentence struck me personally and it's something I'm going to learn from. So many times when I find myself in this type of situation (and I think this is true for a lot of people), my gut instict is to pray that the attack stops. There's the insinuation (for lack of a better word) in my prayer that my behavior is not even a part of the situation. The idea that I can also be an agent of pain is something I'm really going to be meditating on. You've really taught me something here, AG...I really mean that.
GU Yes he is!
JKC It really lifts my spirit to know that something in there, helped you. I know you don't know me, but I am really a very normal person to most peoples standards. These last 2 years have been a journey of discovering who God is. It is my desire to stop the sterotype of christianity thats it's all good if your being a "good" christian and if your suffering maybe your not being a "good" christian. We have real conflict,real battles external and internal. Early in my walk as a christian I was told by a prayer warrior that maybe I hadn't really accepted Christ into my heart to still be suffering from depression. I began to hide that from other christians. Girl that started a 6 year journey that nearly killed me. Lost and confused. Anyway long story short. When I started seeking him, reading his instruction manual (the bible) reading books about the authors of the bible and taking classes, PRAISING him through the bad, and praying, healing and restoration began. So many of us have such a distorted veiw of God and how God feels about us.
Okay that's all I am off my soapbox. If you got this far thanks for reading.
Remember too, that God said all things "work together" for good to them that love the Lord. He didn't say everything comes out of the shoot good. In order to work together (or average out) good, there has to be some good, some really good, some not so good, some really bad. A bowl of chili would taste terrible if all you put in it was the chili spice. But the tomatoes, ground beef, beans, AND spices etc. all work together to make a great tasting, smelling and nourishing meal. Point?
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