Here we go!

Hey all! As you can see in the upper right corner, we've got some great authors added and hopefully more on the way. So far: Sally, Ann Garci (Theresa...awesome pen name!), ShadowFlame, and Stan's Student (Vance). And Ann Garci, didn't you post a mention of the blog earlier in our class discussion site? I didn't see it and wondered if it had been deleted. I didn't know if we should do a separate post there to advertise this group or not...what do you guys think (or is it even allowed)?

Okay, so it's time to use this blog, so I'll take the leap and go first. In my paragraph (from my supposed 500 word creative piece...not sure how that's going to work out!) that I posted to the Revision Discussion group, I said I didn't have a title. I think I may call it "Indifference [in a time vacuum]" as the central themes that keep repeating are time and indifference. The brackets used also point to a repeated theme used in the story.

Anyway, as the story is panning out so far, the character of "she" will have a connection with another character named "the other she." Here is the opening paragraph which introduces the new character:

It had been 19 years, 270 days, 14 hours, and 37 minutes since the other she had left her apartment. Time seemed to drag and fly by simultaneously which seemed to negate the definition of time as finite. The other she couldn’t remember why she stopped going into the world outside of her apartment, although she knew it wasn’t really a conscious decision. It just started with one minute, which extended into two minutes and so on.

So, critique away! I like how the last line starts but hate how it ends, so I know I need to do some revision there. Any thoughts?