Seeking submissions!!!
I want to put together a compendium of really funny one-liners because I love them and I can never remember them. To get the group started...here are a couple:
1. I thought about being a pessimist, but I figured it wouldn't work out.
2. If everything is coming your way, get in the other lane!
I'm sure you know some too...maybe we can even write some new ones!
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8 comments:
I saw a great one on a t-shirt the other day: Ask me about my vow of silence.
I always love the one-liners from comedian Stephen Wright:
http://www.freemaninstitute.com/Wright.htm
"Lord, I want patience in my life and I want it right now!!"?
I heard this one today watching one of my grandson's movies:
Patience is the only thing for which I set myself a limit.
I guess I have a patience theme going on. (not planned, I assure you.)
One of my all time favorites, is a question. If obese people swim in the nude, is it still skinny dipping?
Everyone brightens a room. Some do when they enter the room and some do when they leave.
Is the glass half full or half empty? Its not optimism or pessimism. Either both are perfectly right, or both are perfectly wrong! So there should never be that argument.
Since 80% of accidents happen within 1 mile of home...I'm movin'.
A classic one: It's always in the last place you look. (You might be a redneck if you keep looking after you find it *LOL*)
I have a t-shirt that says "You were so much cuter before you opened your mouth"
and another that says "You are free to do what I say"
and yet another that says "Big Kahuna's, we get you lost at no cost"
and a word of mine "I'm so far behind I'm kissing my own butt" (fixed to trim down on my swearing)
and one I just thought up "I thought I was in the lead until I realized I hadn't left the starting line"
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